We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So much rum. So many feels.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
