I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize