your thong is hanging out like whoa
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
