You smell like a Billy Joel song
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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