i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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