Quick, to the slutcave!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
