good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
