Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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