plz talk dirty to me
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
