i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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