my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
