Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you made out with another girl for some wings
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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