It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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