and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
