Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
