If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it glows. i had to have it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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