Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
