she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
