Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize