i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
