its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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