I am midnight drunk by noon
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
