well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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