The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
