Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
