Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
