You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize