his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
