Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
