He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
