Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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