we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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