For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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