I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
