I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
