someone owes me an orgasm
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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