sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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