just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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