how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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