I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
