Say something about gay babies.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
