I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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