so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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