i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
