im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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