So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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