I just made out with a guy for $7.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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