Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
time to smoke my breakfast
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
