My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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