Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
