I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
