Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
