as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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