If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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