It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
