i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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