Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my phone needs a breathalizer
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
