I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
