so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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