so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
