so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
