I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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