At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
