His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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