her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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