I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
