jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I supernannyed him into submission
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
