I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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