He asked to "fluff my boner.."
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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