i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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